Last Chapter

Have you ever fell so hard for someone who wasn't ready to persue a relationship with you and once you got over it and moved on they attempt to make a come-back and try again and you no longer even desire to be with them anymore?  Yup...here are my thoughts on that...

When I told you I wished we’d never met, of course I was upset

What do you think pain does to the heart to make words it knows it doesn’t feel still eject

That ribbon in the sky that we watched fly by to signify the beginnings of love had an unknown intercept

Virtual offenses kept defenses off the field, then forced off, but kept making retired comebacks like Brett

So that floating love ribbon was discharged from the sky, leaving streamers to decorate memories of divorced love anniversaries I wish I could forget

When what I really wish all I saw was crumbled up strips of tape tangled in malfunctioned tape cassette decks

But in that old boom box booms a system of love songs that do absolutely nothing but remind

Remind me of how blind love that you find cant unwind the hind sight that made the sights of love make the sights of your eyes bind to visions of illegal signs

Too bad I can’t rewind

Cause after all that effort you made, when I finally did decide to come around, you couldn’t even be mine

And you wonder why I spewed the bitter taste of toxic, over-ripened bloody wine

Wine that you let me sip till I became addicted to your inebriation

So should I thank you for forcing my rehabilitation

Me, an alcoholic made anonymous from your fabricated  3^rd cousin abbreviation

I guess that negates the conjugation of our relative anatomies conjoined, each time I cupped your   penetration

All to soothe the mind of a baby mama turned ex

So she wouldn’t think you and I were having sex

Or that I was a threat to being next

You were the one that fought so hard to bring you and I here to stand on this complex

Fine wining and dining, crushing pink bags of cookies, and using buildings to demolish 4 years of established respect

How do you make a promise to complete an action to a woman and her kids

Then stand them up and not even communicate till months later on the real reason why you had to renig

And via text at that, trying to remotely tweeze out injected twigs

I’ve been over you dude, long ago when you made me lose my cool

I shitted you out like a constipated stool

And now that I’m good, you wanna send multi media messages filled with drool

Bout how you corrected your mistakes and realized you were a fool

Here’s the thing, I’m sorry about all the hateful things I said and holding on to your possessions

I appreciate all the prior dates and genuine favors, and even the sex healing aggressions

The day we met and pics we took, how you treated my friends I never forsook

And although I said I wanted to forget, each moment we shared is curved in heart shaped cells that ring love songs with classic hooks

But what I cannot do is add starched powder to a recipe in Hell’s Kitchen that’s already been cooked

So your best bet is to let go of hopes of a televised reality show of you and I, and just close out the re-runs to good past times to reflect on in a book

I am glad that we did meet

Even in defeat

But final publication complete

Imagnary Real

Don't let this poem give you a headache, please stay with it and I promise if you follow along it will come together in the end...watch how I compare my imaginary man in my head to math...

Imaginary Real

What is a number really? 

I got people lookin at me like ok Dani is just illy or just outright being silly

No really, how real is the realness of how you really quantify or shall I say process how real a number is for real?

And who is to say a number is really a number, because for real, a number really isn’t a number for real for real, ok I just killed your logic

But that’s what poets do right, we defy logic by way of how our logic symbolizes logics of real things that are symbolic

See, there’s that word real again, so let me reel your logic back in

So we know arithmetics and defined values traditionally are how we represent numbers

But realistically arithmetical values can be expressed in words and symbols

Did you catch that?

Algebraic equations are nothing but characteristic symbolic statements we fill in to complete the intended sayings

The ASCII fillers are still used in counting and making calculations

Imagine that, numeric quantities translated from series of non numeric abbreviations and identifications

Do I still have your concrete logic wavering? Ok so let me continue to break down this real logic I’m laboring

And then I’ll begin tapering off so your new real logic can begin savoring this symbolic flavoring

Ok so we got the number out the way, were you aware that there’s a such thing as an imaginary number, yea right no way is what you say

Ok, let’s have a real quick complex math session today

There’s a mathematical number coined, lower case italicized i, based on the square root of the minus of the number that’s not real

I know you’re like, are you for real?

If you didn’t get that, it’s like say the real number is 1, you have an imaginary equivalent of the square root of minus 1, that’s the imaginary sum

So you ask, where in the hell did you get that from? This is real math baby, no lie, when we’re done go surf the web on a google run

Simply put, it aint nuttin but a complex number in the form of a + bi where a and b are real numbers, and I is the square root of -1

Now you can substitute a or b with any real non zero number, but the i remains the complex one

So I mathematically equate this form to the imaginary man my head has spun but really real once you fill in the sums

The missing pieces algebraically make it an arithmetical imaginary run

But when the fillers come to reveal the products of the sums, the run runs from imaginary to real

And to me that is a really big real deal

So here’s what I’ve imagined, and this is real short by the way

Compassion and concern, tender physical caresses that make my body yearn

Protection and security, like warding off my impurities, voluntarily

Loyalty and understanding, never sanding the smooth surface of our established built from the ground up love branding

Listening without defending, speaking without offending

Sending just because I love you’s, doing little things to say there’s no one above you

Making my heart and my expressions smile, mentally stimulating me all the while

Being considerate and having fun, when this man comes my imaginary real victory is won

Till then I’ll substitute potential numerical runs till the sums are all negated down to one

One imagined number, several real imposters, one real one imagined, one imagined turned real, a real number from imaginary maybes

It all comes down to math baby

Assumptions

You say I'm harsh, too blunt or buttered with bitter melts of cynical cheese
At ease Soldiers, for u know not of the deoxygenated air from which I breathe
Until your past becomes seamed with the interwoven threads of my heart's history, you cannot relate to me and the transparency that I bring
The openness of the brokenness of my raw and medium rare souvenir of emotion is the token to which I embark on the stroking of the new chamber being birthed
The outward images you perceive to interpret dont appraise or depraise its worth
You can gauge its true value in the same manner that you predict the life expectancy and growth of an unknown flower prior to its implantation into the dirt of the earth
Only God can judge me, and last I checked you were not the all knowing, Alpha and Omega, gift giving, prayer answering, trial busting, blessing ordained, high and mighty, divine creator and master of beings, universal life force, infinity of hearts of hearts, omnipotent power of know it alls, ya'll be killing me
You think you know, but you really don't
Since when do you assumptions define my entire life's existence
Because you think you're intelligent
But what are you really selling?
The make-up of your assumptions could cake the graves of all those slain bodies laid in Haiti, Japan, Chile plus those here no longer dwelling
Quite compelling, how you think you have me figured all out
When a dot from a ball point pen is the metric defining how accurate your perceived legend maps out my journey's route
Without a doubt, your clues are more blue than the preschool cartoons and your fabricated realities would make for good Barney and Elmo sing a long tunes
The trilogy of my heart, soul and spirit and how their confessions to their stories gear it are off balance to your impressions, not even no where near it
I dont fear it, I dont fear you, my drive steers it, it steers in tune,
Just thought I'd break up the dusted trust in the room so the broken pieces could be vacuumed....

Back In The Day

This is a poem I wrote for a battle of the sexes poetry slam and which my team of wonderfully talented women won, and the judges seemed to really like this poem.  I had fun writing it, it took me down memory lane for a bit and made me realize just how different times are now from when I was a kid, damn I sound old right???!!!!!!  It's true though, we actually enjoyed the natural things of the world, we went outside and played and didn't need a whole bunch of electronics to entertain us.  We were very active, spontaneous, times are so different.  And I see that ever so evident as a parent raising my little cubs.  Here you go: 

Back in the day when I was young I'm not a kid anymore but some days I still wish I was a kid again

Don't ya'll remember way back when...

When we played outside till mama had to force us back in

Back then, our creativity had no end, the imagery we were imagining were the blends that created no bends to real means we turned to real life ends

Like really I aint even need no friends

Gimme some buckets and tin and I'm enacting the journey of Dorothy from Oz to wherever my imagination chooses to send

These lazy ass kids now sit in the house and google browse lyrics to recite that we had down to a science from tape-deck re-plays over and over again

How in the hell are you bored when you have more game consoles than I had shoes I wore

These PS3 driving Xbox having 360 degrees Wi-Fi cross country to country skype tabbing spoiled rotten rats on da rug need to learn how to reach creative ascensions

Whenever, wherever, whatever, Maxwell unplugged

Even these thugs cant be outside for more than three bugs

How you be hood wit no time in da wood and no street love

I remember way back when like when LA Gear and Double Diamond BK's graced our feet

And like when kids sat down and shut da hell up when adults speak

Just went outside to dutch a double and bob some jacks to hide and seek

An hour spent on anything meaningful is 40 minutes of withdrawals from missing doses of facebook peeps

A poke used to be a finger tipped encave, skin deep

Now it’s a mindless click more than likely from a lonely play-actionless freak

Your cyber IQ and text acroynym que has to be genius just to speak

I need some translations, I don't know what the hell l-l-s-r-f means when you follow a mention on the beak of a blue bird's tweet

Even when I got beat with a twig and my pockets of pennies were candy jipped by bad kids

I was living the good life, good life

These new skool blues fools will never know what back in the day was like

Except through these lanes my memories drive by to write

Last Woman Standing

Last Woman Standing

Where are my girlfriends to listen to the silent cries of my pain 

No frame of varying perspectives, only sedatives of the remains of what I was left with 

No resistance of a man, his tender kisses or tingling caresses of his hand 

No compliments, demands or weeding out those who don't understand the value of my worth 

No birth of miracles and new life to rear 

No fear of disadvantages, no tears caused by heartbreak 

No undermining the sheer elegance of my outward appearance which mirrors the interior 

No belittling, being made to feel inferior 

No need to strive to be  superior 

No hand made creations, vivid visualizations, or temptations 

No sensual sensations made by erotic vibrations 

No conversation, debating, or specifically tailored hating 

No compassion, live entertainment, or celebrations of fame 

Where's the controversy and name bashing, media circus and back stabbing 

No transferals of sorrow or hope for tomorrow 

Mixed emotions and lack of devotion from family and labeled friends 

All beginnings now turned to ends, no amends to past mistakes all sins transpired cannot be redeemed

 All existence has expired and all inspirations to live have retired 

My will, my soul, my burn has ceased fire The suffering is no longer shared, the struggle is left for one woman to bear 

No other hair to transfer da issues I can't handle 

No sandal of protection to carry the mid-section of life's worries 

No need to hurry, traffic is a one woman's street I can drag my feet if I desire and no one would speak

 I can only keep the lessons of those who inspired me while here 

So as this tear rolls down  and I comfort my own embrace as I'm disgraced with the emptiness that I face

 I choose to cherish the memories of the prior life that existed, however much resisted and receive this strife, with loud out cries of why I had to be the one to lie in this high landfill of torture all alone 

The only sound remaining is my desperate moan, 

so here with no choices 

No voices to turn to, no direction commanding 

I wait my turn to join the forces so I no longer bare the thorns of the last woman standing

Pearl Made Diamond

I was in a really bad car accident the end of September and ended up having to part ways with my car who I named Pearl, a white Honda CR-V.  I had been through so many things with Pearl and was really upset she was a total loss, but thankful that she spared my life at the same time.  Then miraculously, a new silver Acura MDX was born and given to me as a blessing which lifted my spirits, she was my new shimmering star, what a jewel, so I named her Diamond.  So, me being a poet, I wrote a short poem about it, like to hear it, hear it go...

Pearl Made Diamond

Who woulda thought such an ivory ebony mix would mesh for miles so far ahead

After sighting love instantaneously on the same lot where we thee wed

She led every route we took

My safety she never forsook

She trekked through fatal ditches, craning through rough edged nooks

Criss crossing state lines, tic tac toe x’ing each curve every time, burning tread like Foreman, mean with a lean rolled smooth, fresh look

Till that 7^th year she was laid to rest

I tried my best to not fret as I paid my last respects

The perfect harmonies of our lives no longer side by side

Being forced to say good-bye without not even having one last final ride

My Ivory named Pearl, she had to forever leave me

No longer uniting chords like McCartney and Stevie

But the old sung tunes in the clashed chords made a perfect pitch

When Diamond and I collaborated to sound a new melody over-toned in silver, shimmering rich

So although I loved my sheik of Pearl whose loss bred whining

I’m at peace with refining my Pearl who gave birth to a Diamond

Deception

My mind had been held captive since an adolescent

Not realizing the love demons present became a suppressant

To the caretaker of my soul's essence

The most fatal drug addiction known to my heart attached a compressing crescent

That would never re-gain its normal shape after this deadly weapon revived life after death branding brush of death blessings

Being choked by gulping hard to swallow life lessons of the love that attempted to take me out

And after the attempt made on my life I selfishly took the same route

Intent on executing violent measures to manifest suicidal thoughts lying to rest all questionable doubts

Wrote letters to be read later to my 2 year old seed

For two whole years she wuz my only motivation

Motivation which wasnt even conceived until that pregnancy

Even then at first I never thought I'd birth a live baby to breed

After 3 consecutive miscarriages my husband beat the hell out of me

Thinking all that time I had a deformity causing my unborn babies to spontaneously deplete

Still holding on to this love that had been my steady but irregular heartbeat

Me not knowing at the time without it my heart's open wounds would begin to seal, heal, and no longer bleed

Leaks of esteem and worth that took a lifetime to feed

Now running on empty and replaced with refrigerated deeds

A continuous ice cold chipped breeze after breeze after breeze blew to defrost my frozen meat into liquid protein

Transforming its nutritional value from 100% beef to 100% lean

Eaten by the devil himself taking chunks of heart at a time to be flat lined like the narrow-ruled borders on this paper from which I read

So I guess me following this bastard all over the world truly did become my life's misery

Dropping my life's work at the drop of a dime to support his career's needs

Abandoning my desires and afforded opportunities

Giving up rewards given and job offers being thrown at me

That would have had me sittin on a throne that project girls like me never see

Scratching family ties that sacrificed it all to pave the way for all these self forsaken blessings I was supposed to receive

Getting his sorry behind out of debt cause I placed his happiness before my needs

Forgiving every lie and backstabbing mistake cause his cunning had my heart deceived

Letting him destroy my good name and credit cause my dumb, stupid love clung to his dishonesty

Putting me beneath his majesty like I wasnt fitting to be a queen, but a peasant girl breaking my neck to satisfy his greed

Suffocating my value as a human being till I became smothered with heartbreak when he decided to leave

And with that, me feeling like I had a deficiency

So much that my inadequacy deprived me of the ability to breathe

Not even prayer and miraculous intervention contained the power to make me believe

It took years and years of daily suffering and agony to realize that this inflicted injury

I had to rebound from, not for him, but for my daughter and me

So I slowly came out of my affliction even with him thrusting in my face his marriage to the bitch with whom he used to cheat

Cee-Lo was a genius, fuck em both, and that aint no damn plea

I've already taken care of me, and as for he and she

I've preconceived the wrath of the wrath that will turn into the wrath of their aftermath all because they thought they were gonna be pleased

But see this bitch karma gave me a peek at their excruciating, persecuting tease

Of death before their pitiful lives will be devoured and relieved

In the interim I’m pain free mentally like a lifetime brain feed of allieve

I'll just cherish the memories of my intimate dances with the devil that turned this forgery of love

from make believe

to temporarily, simulated heavenly,

to barely living

to aggravated misery,

to suicidal attempts deliberately,

to dying while living artificially

to turning the worst betrayal of my life that destroyed my life and gave me life simultaneously

Now that I reflect, that betrayal was the precise need my experience with love needed to essentially claim the most liberating victory

The victory that would be the ultimate savior of me from me

that would breed the me that I am

Who I couldnt be and wouldnt be had it not been for the loss of my ocular vision that led to the new lenses through which I now see

The resuscitation that cleared my lungs through which I now breathe

And most significantly,

the murder of my heart, love re-incarnated from death, without having to learn or be re-taught on how to receive the love destined for me,

with ease.