Deception

My mind had been held captive since an adolescent

Not realizing the love demons present became a suppressant

To the caretaker of my soul's essence

The most fatal drug addiction known to my heart attached a compressing crescent

That would never re-gain its normal shape after this deadly weapon revived life after death branding brush of death blessings

Being choked by gulping hard to swallow life lessons of the love that attempted to take me out

And after the attempt made on my life I selfishly took the same route

Intent on executing violent measures to manifest suicidal thoughts lying to rest all questionable doubts

Wrote letters to be read later to my 2 year old seed

For two whole years she wuz my only motivation

Motivation which wasnt even conceived until that pregnancy

Even then at first I never thought I'd birth a live baby to breed

After 3 consecutive miscarriages my husband beat the hell out of me

Thinking all that time I had a deformity causing my unborn babies to spontaneously deplete

Still holding on to this love that had been my steady but irregular heartbeat

Me not knowing at the time without it my heart's open wounds would begin to seal, heal, and no longer bleed

Leaks of esteem and worth that took a lifetime to feed

Now running on empty and replaced with refrigerated deeds

A continuous ice cold chipped breeze after breeze after breeze blew to defrost my frozen meat into liquid protein

Transforming its nutritional value from 100% beef to 100% lean

Eaten by the devil himself taking chunks of heart at a time to be flat lined like the narrow-ruled borders on this paper from which I read

So I guess me following this bastard all over the world truly did become my life's misery

Dropping my life's work at the drop of a dime to support his career's needs

Abandoning my desires and afforded opportunities

Giving up rewards given and job offers being thrown at me

That would have had me sittin on a throne that project girls like me never see

Scratching family ties that sacrificed it all to pave the way for all these self forsaken blessings I was supposed to receive

Getting his sorry behind out of debt cause I placed his happiness before my needs

Forgiving every lie and backstabbing mistake cause his cunning had my heart deceived

Letting him destroy my good name and credit cause my dumb, stupid love clung to his dishonesty

Putting me beneath his majesty like I wasnt fitting to be a queen, but a peasant girl breaking my neck to satisfy his greed

Suffocating my value as a human being till I became smothered with heartbreak when he decided to leave

And with that, me feeling like I had a deficiency

So much that my inadequacy deprived me of the ability to breathe

Not even prayer and miraculous intervention contained the power to make me believe

It took years and years of daily suffering and agony to realize that this inflicted injury

I had to rebound from, not for him, but for my daughter and me

So I slowly came out of my affliction even with him thrusting in my face his marriage to the bitch with whom he used to cheat

Cee-Lo was a genius, fuck em both, and that aint no damn plea

I've already taken care of me, and as for he and she

I've preconceived the wrath of the wrath that will turn into the wrath of their aftermath all because they thought they were gonna be pleased

But see this bitch karma gave me a peek at their excruciating, persecuting tease

Of death before their pitiful lives will be devoured and relieved

In the interim I’m pain free mentally like a lifetime brain feed of allieve

I'll just cherish the memories of my intimate dances with the devil that turned this forgery of love

from make believe

to temporarily, simulated heavenly,

to barely living

to aggravated misery,

to suicidal attempts deliberately,

to dying while living artificially

to turning the worst betrayal of my life that destroyed my life and gave me life simultaneously

Now that I reflect, that betrayal was the precise need my experience with love needed to essentially claim the most liberating victory

The victory that would be the ultimate savior of me from me

that would breed the me that I am

Who I couldnt be and wouldnt be had it not been for the loss of my ocular vision that led to the new lenses through which I now see

The resuscitation that cleared my lungs through which I now breathe

And most significantly,

the murder of my heart, love re-incarnated from death, without having to learn or be re-taught on how to receive the love destined for me,

with ease.